It just struck me how ironic it is that on my way into work I was planning out what to “steal” from my daughters room in order to make her feel a similar rage I felt this morning when I couldn’t find my blush or eye shadow (“Hmmmm, I said to myself, I wonder where it could be” – not really, that’s not at all what I said). And now I sit at my computer getting ready to respond to an email from a colleague about a “working moms support group” and how I can help support their mission of being perfect, loving, doting parents as well as world renowned academics.
I’ve had it up to here, where ever that is. My blood has been replaced with searing rage and is coursing through my veins at a pace that is near dangerous, though to whom I’m not sure. I’m always surprised when I can move from one emotion to another – on the opposite end of the spectrum – in 8 hours. Sleep does a body good, or puts loved ones in danger – it’s yet to be determined.
I actually felt compassion for my daughter last night when she said she was too sad to go to work or school and needed my support. I almost regretted that I told her she had to go apply for jobs all day at the mall while I was at work instead of sitting on the couch watching movies, eating food and texting me that there was no food. That is until the C-word was used in reference to my expectations of her which were “insane”. Enough. I’m done. I have no empathy or room for your mouth, needs, wants or sadness anymore. Let me explain that when you are supporting yourself there is no place for “depression”, being too sad and upset to “do life”. And I don’t give a rats ass anymore. You work or you die. I will no longer be intervening. Simple as that. I know about depression and sadness, I really do. It sucks and it makes life questionable. But honey, there are times it’s a luxury to be depressed and now is not one of those for you. E. Nough.